


Are you watching?

by ScriptaManent



Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (Not really but they never confessed), Angst, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, Heartbreak, Letters, M/M, Prompt: "Has is always been this silent?", Prompt: Tears, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27314863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScriptaManent/pseuds/ScriptaManent
Summary: Curled up on his sofa, a blanket wrapped around him, Akaashi watches broad shoulders stretch the fabric of an unknown jersey as Bokuto spikes and scores another point, black and gold so unfamiliar on him.For Haikyuu Angst Week, Bonus prompts: Tears + "Has it always been this silent?"
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993792
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Are you watching?

**Author's Note:**

> For Haikyuu Angst Week, Bonus prompts: Tears + "Has it always been this silent?"

The TV bathes the room in a blue light, shadows dancing on the walls to the rhythm of the songs played in-between rallies. On the screen, smiles that should be heartwarming only manage to settle the cold into Akaashi’s bones.

Curled up on his sofa, a blanket wrapped around him, he watches broad shoulders stretch the fabric of an unknown jersey as Bokuto spikes and scores another point, black and gold so unfamiliar on him. It’s puzzling.

Akaashi is exhausted, but he watches. He’s always watching.

What he’s not used to either is the white noises in his mind, like a radio desperately searching for a frequency it would be able to pick up; like paper crumpled in the clutch of a fist. It’s new, compared to the usual buzz of thoughts swarming in his mind. It’s new, not better.

The letter is still there, displayed on the coffee table, far enough from him that he can’t make out the words. Even with his glasses on he wouldn’t be able to, actually; his vision is too blurry to.

He doesn’t need to read them, anyway, they’re engraved into his mind, carved into his chest in burning letters, branded.

“ _My dear Akaashi_ ,” it starts, and Akaashi finds himself hugging his knees as his thoughts slip away from his control, spiraling down.

On the screen, Bokuto smiles a toothy grin that used to be enough to make Akaashi’s heart beat faster. Now it only seems to widen the hole in his chest. He’s falling, falling into himself, into the dark.

> “ _See? I can sound formal too! Well, actually, Omi-kun helped me with this letter. I wasn’t sure how to write it, but I suppose you know how my thoughts work better than me._ “

The TV blasts some music Akaashi doesn’t recognize. He can barely hear it over the white noises, the memories that flash before his eyes, tickle his fingertips, pull him further down.

> “ _You’ll never guess who just signed up to our team! Or maybe you will… Has he already told you? Or maybe Kenma has? Anyway, it’s Hinata! It brings me back, I can’t wait to play with him again!_ ”

The tears are rolling down, now, but Akaashi doesn’t do anything to stop them. He snaps his eyes open, keeps them on the TV. He’s still watching. Part of him is. The rest has travelled to the past. Same room, same people, but months ago, almost a year, now. The Akaashi of the past is stuck there, a comforting presence at his side, a nose pressed in the crook of his neck as Bokuto sleeps on his shoulder, at peace, unaware of the thoughts swirling in his friend’s mind.

He should have told him, back then.

> “ _There’s something else I need to tell you. I hope you won’t find it too weird… But you’re my best friend, so I still think you should know._ ”

Akaashi is sinking. The couch is barely there anymore, the TV inaudible, only flashes of light and glimpses of the past, of a world that was never meant to be his.

> “ _I’m seeing someone, actually. It’s Tsum-tsum, my setter, you probably remember him.”_

Same age, same position, but bolder and better. Akaashi can see it, though; he knows it can work.

It leaves a bitter taste on his tongue. Or maybe it’s blood, he can’t really tell, but his heart is leaking for sure.

> “ _So, uh, yeah, he’s a guy. I hope it doesn’t bother you? :( I’d really like you to like him, though. He’s very funny! Maybe I can bring him with me next time? Would it be okay with you?”_

A breath catches in Akaashi’s throat. It gets stuck there, choking him. He can’t take it. He won’t be able to. The pain is suffocating, and people lie: time doesn’t make it any better.

> “ _We’re playing in Tokyo next month.”_

Colours dance on the TV screen, blurring together. Splotches of black and gold everywhere. There’s orange hopping up and down in a corner. Grey crashes into wheat blond.

> _“Will you be watching?_ ”

Another sob shakes Akaashi. The blanket slips from his trembling silhouette.

Yes. He’s watching. He’s always watching.

Even if his heart breaks with every smile, with every lingering touch. Even if his world collapses every time these clear golden eyes are set on someone who isn’t him.

Akaashi keeps watching.

**Author's Note:**

> That's it! I'm done hurting you (for now). I hope you still liked it~  
> And if you want some more Angst with a Happy ending, check out my [Iwaoi Orpheus & Eurydice AU!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27027088/chapters/65980864)
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AngstWeaver) | [Other Haikyuu fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScriptaManent/works?fandom_id=758208)


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